Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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