Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
