Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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