Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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