Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
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What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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