you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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