awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
