Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
