Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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