He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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