you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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