I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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