dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
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can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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