so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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