WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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