the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
