The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
