Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
