We're facebook friends in real life
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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