There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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