I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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