Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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