my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
