pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
