I think I just saw someone hide a body.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
