I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
