dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
