can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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