Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
