I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
