So drunk its hurt
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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