I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Come share oat with me in your robe
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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