You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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