Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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