I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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