oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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