He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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