Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
