Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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