i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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