so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
