Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
