Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
