This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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