The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
