My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
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Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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