Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I hope mine doesn't look like that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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