just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
sarcasm needs its own font
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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