Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
