haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
