i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
