He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
