are you so shy because you have an std?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
