I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
