Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
