looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
