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• (407): View more from Florida

  Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  nevermind....I'm on the way

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.

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• (334): View more from Alabama

  He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.

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• (585): View more from New York

  I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun

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• (408): View more from California

  WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT

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• (806): View more from Texas

  I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?

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