How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
