this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
