i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
