Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
