Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
