that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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