OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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