arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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