Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
