So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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