We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I currently don't understand fingers.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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