I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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