How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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