Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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