Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
