Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
