i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
two words...techno handjob
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
