You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
